The game is done,
The cool air whizzing,
The teammates,
The troops,
The broken water bottles
The laughs,
And the outrage,
Gone.
Now is the sorrow,
The bitterness,
The wish to go back,
And try a bit harder,
Or just try again.
Sitting there yourself,
Surrounded by smell,
Which is not smelled.
Surrounded by hearts,
You can’t hear beat,
Surrounded by wishes for one last try.
It’s all there,
Yet all gone.
4 comments:
your first paragraph you used the word troops and i kind of get the picture that its a war they faught maybe use the word friends by my side or something in that area because it's not a war your describing.
good job boamer
ben
...wow...
this poem realy makes you feel something, to relate. powerful.
try reading the end like this
i think it would really make the reader think and re-read
Surrounded by wishes for one last try.
its all there
yet all gone.
again wow...
Austin
thanks Kali.i think i'll stay with what i've got.
Austin, I'll try it. Sounds kinda cool
Thanks, Baum
Post a Comment